New Honorable Ancestors: Dolly Parton and Wendell Berry

With all the tomfoolery and bullfuckery afoot in this world right now, those fighting for life, for love, for our neighbors and kin of the natural world, must be celebrated and appreciated.

I was on a much-needed vacation, celebrating my best friend’s birthday, when I heard of Dolly’s passing. My besty is someone who lives very much in the moment, fully engaged in the tangible world before her. For her birthday, we went camping somewhere in Florida, where we tubed down a lazy river (only seeing one alligator, amid many many river creatures!), had actual campfires (no wildfire risk in the swamp!), and shared so much delicious food and conversation. On one of those sumptuous days, I checked my phone and gasped, telling my friend that I’d received some distressing celebrity news. When I told her it was Dolly Parton who had passed, she said, “I didn’t think any celebrity death would affect me in any way…but that one.” That night, I played Jolene and we all sang it together. Dolly would have loved it.

Dolly had an amazing ability to bridge connections between people of all kinds. Conservatives love her, leftists love her, and people who hate celebrity culture love her. She also bridged paradoxes of self and representation. For me, Dolly showed me how to perform femininity in a joyful and genuine way, beyond non-contradiction. Her exaggerated displays of femininity were never without a wink, an honesty that was refreshing, especially when it comes to celebrities and the pressure on women to perform femininity with such narrow and unattainable margins. Dolly took these expectations and went further with them. She unapologetically modeled her look on “the town tramp” and often spoke of how she enjoyed the contrast of looking “ridiculous,” all while running her own life and career with humor, a sharp wit, and intuition. She both didn’t take things too seriously and also took things extremely seriously (like the fact that she could have hoarded her wealth to the point of being a billionaire, but she was too giving to attain that status; she preferred to share that wealth with the economically oppressed communities she came from).

Her playfulness with her look and the way she enjoyed her own body inspires me so much, especially doing the work I do. I celebrate her in many ways, and hope I can embody her sexiness and generosity in my own style. I honor you, Dolly Parton.

In seeming contrast to Dolly was the loss of a beloved nature poet, Wendell Berry. Wendell believed in many of the same principles as Dolly: community engagement, kinship ties, respect for the land and strengthening the small community structure. All I can do is share the poet’s own words, for I couldn’t express it better. Here’s a poem I picked just for you, my Mysterious Reader.

A Homecoming

One faith is bondage. Two

are free. In the trust

of old love, cultivation shows

a dark graceful wilderness

at its heart. Wild

in that wilderness, we roam

the distances of our faith,

safe beyond the bounds

of what we know. O love,

open. Show me

my country. Take me home.

Growth Spurt

It's not all just unadulterated naked pleasure; there's so much that goes into this work and into continuing to grow and learn alongside my clients. I'm leaning into a "growth spurt" right now, and I'd love to bring you with me into my next evolution... I'm becoming even better for you, my Mysterious Readers.

So many of you come to me during times of transition. Recent moves, breakups, losses, jobs, and personal breakthroughs have all moved you through my doorway. I find myself consistently impressed by your willingness to step outside of your comfort zones and into my arms.

I realized that I’ve become very comfortable in this work. This comfortability isn’t a bad thing, necessarily: it shows that I feel very safe, that I am in my element, that I am at peace here in this space. I’m co-regulating in sessions with you, my dear clients, and I’m finding nourishment and safety with you. But you are growing and challenging yourselves constantly. You’re coming to me with incredible bravery and vulnerability. I don’t think you (or I) realize how much you inspire me.

So I need to keep growing. I can’t become complacent and boring. This post is one small action in this effort; I’m making my blog a real blog (which will hopefully make my website run a little smoother and faster for you). I’m also embarking on learning new massage techniques to better serve the bodywork side of things. I’m an intuitive healer (that annoyed me to even write, but it’s true!!!)… but I need to keep improving my technique so that I can be at my very best for you.

Do come see me soon and let me know what you think of my strides. And tell me what you’re doing in your life to continue growing. I would be honored to witness you, to cheer you on, to contribute my hands and heart to the fertile ground of your growth and becoming.

we grow with roots intertwined

our tall stems vine around each other’s

deep, unasked questions

life confounds us

so we grow and stretch and feel

our skin bristle with our shared

aliveness

-F.K.

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